


Yagami Light can have a little mental breakdown, as a treat.

by IceBreeze



Series: The saga of the Horny Frog and the Hot Mess [1]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Death Note, Asexual Yagami Light, Background Amane Misa/Rem, Background Matt/Mello/Near, Demiromantic Yagami Light, Genderfluid Yagami Light, Greyromantic Yagami Light, M/M, Nonbinary Rem and Near, The Wammy's kids are closer in age to each other than canon, The shinigami are humans, This is basically the au where everybody has happy lives and becomes uni students, Trans Misa and Matt, and also weren't groomed to be detectives or whatever the fuck was up with that, vague animanga setting where canon is irrelevant and L is hot like his drama counterpart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23149222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBreeze/pseuds/IceBreeze
Summary: “Everything okay there?” Misa asks, already knowing what the answer is going to be.“No,” Light says, pushing his phone as if doing so will get the message and L further away from him. “This fucking asshole is so fucking respectful and I hate him. I hate him so much, like one second he’s insulting my world views and sitting like some gremlin out of a horror movie and waving his bare feet around and the next he acts like a decent human being and always asks my pronouns when talking to me and calls me pretty and I just- I hate him. I hate him so much Misa, like oh my god I have literally never been this angry in my life.”“How dare he be a decent human being,” Misa agrees, hiding her smile behind her hand.“Exactly!” Light slams his hand down on the table, but gently, because even when going absolutely feral he remembers to be polite. “Like he isn’t even considerate enough to be a complete dick!”In which Light goes through the five stages of grief, Misa is a good friend,  L has the best night of his life, and everybody else is just along for the ride.(AKA: The uni AU in which Light has a crush and doesn't know it until everybody else does as well).
Relationships: Amane Misa & Yagami Light, L & Matt | Mail Jeevas & Mello | Mihael Keehl & Near | Nate River, L/Yagami Light
Series: The saga of the Horny Frog and the Hot Mess [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664047
Comments: 50
Kudos: 240





	Yagami Light can have a little mental breakdown, as a treat.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astralpenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralpenguin/gifts).



> Hi so I never thought I'd be writing death note fic but my partner go back into it a few months ago and they brought it to my attention that Drama!L is actually hot. This made me really mad because he has no rights and I wrote the first draft of this at 3am in a fit of >:(. Its been sitting in my docs for like a month now and I finally finished editing it, so now its ao3s problem. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> I spent a very long time formatting this beautifully on word only for ao3 to not support any of it so I then had to spend another hour formatting it in html only to realise that blockquotes were available on rich text so like I tried very hard.

This is a love story.

As you know, as I know, as we all know, there are many kinds of love. There is platonic love, romantic love, familial love, and _hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I kind of want to strangle you_ love. In a sense, there is more variations of love than there are words to describe it, the kind of spectrum that some people look at and think _damn I think I’d rather have cake._

This is a story about all these kinds of love, but in a different story, in a different world, where the end finds our two protagonists dying with nothing but their own hurt egos to comfort them, this would be the last kind. This would be a tragedy, two people who cared about each other but were trampled on by the serial killer of an elephant that had taken up a home in one of them, a game of cat and mouse where loving your enemy does not mean you will get a Happy Ever After.

In a different story, this would be a love gone wrong, proof that being handcuffed to someone for months does not mean you've talked them away from the dark side.

In a different story, this would be about loving and losing and losing and losing until there was nothing left to lose.

This is not that story, largely because the fool we call an author does not go here.

This is a story where, very early on in his life, Yagami Light gets therapy. He gets very good therapy, so that he grows up to still be a hot mess, but a more stable hot mess who does not grab a sled and surf on down into Hell when somebody gives him the gun. Instead he takes his moral compass and turns it to philosophy and stress baking and crying and fighting with that one guy in his class who will become relevant in who knows how many paragraphs (I’m still writing it here) and having crises- you know, all that normal uni stuff.

This is a story where, when Yagami Light is a child, a new family moves next door to him. This family has a child who has yet to correct them that she is their daughter, and she takes one look at Light and says hey I want that one. Their friendship’s start is a little rocky, as friendships tend to be, but with time they’re about as close to siblings as they can get without hacking the government database and changing up some records.

This is a story where, on one innocuous night in the library, a horny frog ruins Yagami Light’s night.

This is a story about love, and it is one that will go down in the history of a certain university.

So turn the page, dear reader, and let us learn:

This is the story of the Hot Mess and the Horny Frog Man.

We start our story in a library, because this is not at all based on real life and the author most certainly does not have a history of library crises. A university library, to be more precise, because precision is everything when things are not in control, and this is most definitely not in control. And if you think about it, uni libraries are prime real estate when it comes to these things, as it’s just always there for you to enjoy the illusion of privacy when you have your regularly scheduled breakdown. The later you stay the less people there are, and it almost feels like companionship, because university is the kind of place where everybody is back in primary school and really just wants a nap.

So yes, we’re in a library. It is 11pm and the ground floor is empty enough as far as a Saturday night goes: there’s just our two unfortunate stars, one NPC on the couches who is definitely not important to the story in the way that he is actually not important and this is not a misdirect, a decidedly more important group in a study room around the corner and hidden from view of pretty much anyone, and a few security guards doing what security guards do. This means that Misa and Light were able to hoard a whole table to themselves, and a table with comfy seats at that, settling down for what had so far been a night of intense study and was supposed to continue to be so.

As you might expect, it does continue to be intense, just in an entirely different way than either of them might have hoped.

(“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Rem had asked. “Historically the Library is not a safe space for Light.”

“We’ll be fine!” Misa had said, and nobody remembered to knock on wood).

The thing was, Misa and Light have been friends for a very long time, and this means that they’ve been through a lot together. They were comrades in arms through the hell that is puberty, they nurtured each other’s hyperfixations, they even had that awkward three week period where heteronormativity led them to think that they only way to make sense of their relationship was to date; the two of them love each other, in every way you can love somebody without it being romantic, and so it is quite natural that they have helped each other through some shit.

And by some shit, I mean they have helped them through the crises.

Because the thing is, dear reader, there were a lot of crises. Like, a lot of them, even when you don’t add them both together, and because there were so many crises and they were both nothing if not consistent, there started to develop a pattern. For Misa, her apparently designated location was the kitchen, because she was quite a private person when it came to things like this and also kitchens are a weird place. This was where she’d told him she was a girl when they were eleven, and when she had had a four hour stream of ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? about her sexuality, and when she cried so hard over her degree and how much she hated it that someone called the wardens about it.

(“Well,” she’d said, at the tail end of the last one, her face still hidden in Light’s shoulder after he’d talked her through figuring out a course to change to, “If I’m going to have emotional distress, then I may as well do it where food is in easy access.”)

For Light, this was the library. There is no particular thought out reason for why it is the Library beyond the fact that apparently something about them just has that kind of effect on him. His therapist had considered banning him from them for his continued mental health, but that had been deemed too extreme. Since having access to the university library, there have been two major crises with many smaller ones dotted in between. The first of these was the sexuality crisis, which happened in one very long session at 3am where the easy access to computers turned out vital once he’d calmed down enough for them to be able to use one.

(“Demiromantic, Misa,” he’d said. “Oh my god, Misa there’s a word for it.”

“There is,” she’d said, her arm still around his shoulder because she wasn’t sure if he was about to start crying again and it was better to be safe than sorry when it came to things like this. And then, to try and lighten the mood, “Though I would argue that ‘dumbass’ is more accurate for you.”

“Says the one who panicked so hard over having feelings for Rem that when they asked you who it was you had a crush on during ring of fire that you described- in graphic detail, might I add- why you found Shadow the Hedgehog sexy.”

“I panicked! You know I don’t think good when I panic! And besides, it all worked out in the end.”

“I had to spend the next two weeks reassuring Rem that no, they would not have to duel Shadow the Hedgehog in order to stand a chance. Two weeks, Misa.”

“…I told them the truth in the end?”

“You told them the truth because I threatened that either you told them or I would give you Shadow the Hedgehog erotica for your birthday until both of us were dead.”

“I still don’t understand where you were going to get the erotica.”

“I draw, Misa. I draw. You follow my twitter, you know this.”

“…okay, but now I kind of want to see the Sonic porn.”

“Then pay me for it.”

“How much?”

By the time they left the library that day, Light finally had found a name for what he’d been feeling and Misa had commissioned herself some very nice Sonic/Shadow porn. She put it up on her wall, and it was all very sweet, even if Rem was never able to look at that wall again).

The second crisis had involved several small breakdowns building up to it, and it had been so major that Misa ended up having to call Rem as reinforcements. Gender is a tricky thing, after all, and sometimes it takes a trans girl and a tired nonbinary pal to help someone understand the multilingual keysmash of their own.

(“I hate to break it to you,” Rem had said, after Light had calmed down enough for Misa to go get him some coffee, “But repression is a very unhealthy coping mechanism.”

“I’ll have you know that ignoring your problems is the best way to deal with them.”

“Your therapist would disagree.”

To that, Light only gave silence. 

Rem leaned back in their chair, fixing him with the kind of look that always made them look older than they actually were. “You know that we’ll support you no matter what, Light. Gender is messy and makes no sense, so even if in two years you decide ‘hey actually this label isn’t right for me,’ then that will still be valid.”

He looked down at his hands. “I know, it’s just- life was so much easier before I became aware of this shit.”

“I get that. Once you notice you can never undo it.”

“If I knew that Good Omens was going to result in this then I would have never watched it.”

“You would have still probably realised it eventually.”

“I know, but like- I’ve already had a crisis this year, I thought I was safe.”

Rem patted him on the shoulder. “Would you like Misa and I to take you shopping when you feel girl? We can help you with makeup, if you’re comfortable with that, and I know that Misa would probably be delighted to help you with clothes.”

And for the first time that night, Light smiled. “…I’d like that, I think. Thank you, Rem.”)

As you can see, historically speaking the library is not what anyone would call a safe zone for Yagami Light, nor is it a place where is his mental health thrives. This is why, when Light puts down what he was holding in that way he does whenever he knows he’s about to get worked up and doesn’t want to accidentally yeet anything at the wall during his gesticulating, Misa silently says goodbye to any hopes of productivity that night.

So in a way, this story actually starts when Light says, “You know that one asshole who is basically a raccoon trying and failing to be a human?”

The answer to this is yes, Misa does know about this asshole. She knows far more about him than she ever wanted to know, because his very existence manages to piss Light off and living with him means getting a front row seat to his many, many rants. She’s heard every insult, every complaint, every time the guy gave Light the kind of debate that would be masturbation material to any academic with a kink, every ‘ _can you believe it Misa, how can someone so smart be such an asshole.’_ Misa has heard it all, and so the moment that she hears this sentence she knows exactly what kind of crisis awaits them tonight.

Because you see, dear reader, Light is the dumbest smart person ever to exist, and his lack of experience with romantic attraction means there is only one way for his mind to process it safely: anger. And the thing about anger is that it can only last for so long, even in someone who is as good at holding on to emotions as Light.

The thing is, eventually Light is going to realise that, for all that L Lawliet may genuinely be the worst person in the world, he is also a person that Light is in love with.

But Misa is a good friend, so she does not say, _‘oh, the one you have a crush on?’_ because Light has to work through these things, otherwise there will be an emotional collapse and the Security Guards will end up calling student support on them. Instead, she smiles with all of her considerable patience, and says, “The one whose been in most of your classes since first year? What did he do this time?”

And that was all the segue needed for the floodgates to open and Light to begin the start of a rant that would impress even the most rage hardened barbarian.

(Or, more accurately, entertain a bunch of chucklefucks who have access to something we call a group chat).

> ** Four braincells in a trenchcoat. **
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> This guy has a grudge and I respect that.
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Of course you do, Angry is your middle name.
> 
> Also why are you in the groupchat when we’re literally right next to each other.
> 
> We booked a study room for a reason, guys.
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> First of all, my middle name is ‘go fuck yourself.’
> 
> Second of all, if we can hear them then they would definitely hear us and I’m not missing out on peak entertainment just because you three chucklefucks need to interact.
> 
> I don’t know who this guy is but he’s the only one I respect in this whole uni.
> 
> Hey Near go take a look
> 
> **Near.**
> 
> Why
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Because you love me
> 
> **Near**
> 
> Try again
> 
> **Matt.**
> 
> Because you love me?
> 
> **Near**
> 
> Fine.
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> :D <3
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Wow, I see how it is.
> 
> **Near**
> 
> Matt didn’t invent a rivalry between us because he couldn’t cope with having a crush.
> 
> He had the emotional braincell.
> 
> Also he’s the cute one in this relationship.
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Wow, are you really still holding onto that?
> 
> It’s been four years!
> 
> I apologised!
> 
> I bought you dinner!
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> They’re already gone my dude
> 
> Also yeah you were kind of a dick
> 
> **L**
> 
> I think resources would say that actually, Mello was a massive dick.
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Oh so you return from being silent to gang up on me huh
> 
> Also I was 14, everybody is a dick when they’re 14
> 
> **L**
> 
> I am just stating the facts
> 
> Unlike the person ranting
> 
> Raccoons are cute I don’t know why he’s using them as an insult
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> You’re just saying that because you look like a raccoon as well.
> 
> **L**
> 
> >:(
> 
> **Mello.**
> 
> I mean it would be poetic if this rant was about L
> 
> **Near**
> 
> About that
> 
> [image]
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Oh wait
> 
> Isn’t that the guy L has a crush on 
> 
> **_Mello_** _has changed **L** ’s nickname to **Trash Raccoon.**_
> 
> **Trash Raccoon.**
> 
> :(
> 
> This is bullying
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> It’s karma, you mean
> 
> This is the best thing to ever happen to me
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> I can’t believe L was a raccoon all along
> 
> It explains so much
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> But I’m hot
> 
> Why a raccoon
> 
> Does Light not think I’m hot?
> 
> **Near**
> 
> To quote our angry friend over there, “the looks of a model but the personality of something you’d find in a dumpster.”
> 
> So yes he thinks you’re hot
> 
> He just also thinks you’re a dick
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> :(
> 
> But he always talks to me the most in class
> 
> I thought we had something special
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Considering how much rage he had at your existence, you thought wrong
> 
> The dude just had to take a walk to calm down
> 
> Considering some of the things he was saying, this is kind of fair.
> 
> I’m amazed Misora hasn’t kicked you out of her class yet.
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> I’m amazed Misora hasn’t kicked you in general
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Excuse you, I’m a delight
> 
> **Near**
> 
> Not according to Light
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> :(
> 
> But he was flirting back this whole time
> 
> He was reciprocating
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> You know, most people don’t really consider that flirting
> 
> He probably just thought you were being an asshole
> 
> Actually no, he definitely just thought you were being an asshole
> 
> Even if he was flirting back, he probably didn’t realise.
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> I can’t believe my seduction techniques failed
> 
> **Near**
> 
> I very much can
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Oh shit
> 
> Wait
> 
> Is Light a he right now
> 
> Even if he’s never going to read this it’s still bad to misgender
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> How the fuck would we know that
> 
> …L, what are you doing
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Asking someone who would

“I think you might need to go on a walk,” Misa says, five minutes into the rant, when Light is reaching that point of anger where his face was flushed and his eloquency had given way to repeated declarations of hatred and the kind of noises that would make a malfunctioning stove proud. He was at the peak of rage, a whirl of righteous fury and repression channelled in the way that only a theatre kid can truly master, and that kind of rage was overwhelming to feel. Overwhelming in the kind of way that led to breakdowns or fainting spells or whatever other kind of reaction your mind can conjure, and Light was fast approaching that crash in the speeding train of his mental stability.

And despite his consistently failed insight checks, Light is a fairly self-aware person most of the time, so it isn’t surprising to Misa when he nods, grabbing both their long emptied water bottles and walking away without a word. From the back, seeing the neatly braided bun of his hair and the carefully measured steps, you wouldn’t know that this was a man close to boiling over, but that’s the thing about Light; the view from the back may be great, but you’re not going to get much from it. Like Ryuk once said: the ass may be divine, but the soul is in the eyes.

And in Light’s eyes is the anger of somebody who is losing their absolute fucking mind over a man with awful posture and a hatred for shoes.

Fortunately, this kind of thing happens often enough that Light had a preferred route and everything, one that provided a long enough walk to calm him down whilst also serving the practical use of passing by the water stations (because hydration is important) and not going into any silent study areas (because that was probably the only way to draw attention from uni students and attention when like this is not the kind of thing anyone wants). Based on past experience, this meant that he would be around three-ten minutes depending on just how extreme he was feeling.

So of course Misa was going to make use of that time in the wisest way she could: texting her partner.

 **Misa:** hey babe

 **Misa:** you know how Light and I were going to be in the library tonight

Rem’s response came almost immediately.

 **Rem** : How bad is it this time?

 **Misa** : he had to take a walk after five minutes kind of bad.

 **Rem** : Yikes.

 **Rem** : What triggered it this time?

 **Misa** : L Lawliet

 **Rem** : Oh.

 **Rem** : So it’s the crush crisis this time.

 **Misa** : yeah, he’s got it bad for this dude, like wow.

 **Misa** : he’s still in the anger phase rn but the real shit comes after that.

 **Rem** : Do you need me to come?

 **Misa** : no, I think we'll be fine!

 **Misa** : it’s not like it can be worse than the last crisis, anyway.

 **Rem** : You said that the last time and look how that went

 **Misa** : oh look I gotta go now

 **Rem** : How convenient

 **Misa** : bye bye I love you! <3 <3 <3

 **Rem** : I love you too <3 <3 <3

Which brings us to where she is now, watching as Light approaches, the two water bottles newly filled. Though the anger is still there, its calmed down, something quiet lingering in the back rather than a forest fire swallowing everything it can get its hands on, and he even drinks some water when he sits down rather than just launching right back into the rant. This is progress.

We stan progress.

So, for a few moments there, Misa thinks they might be fine, and Light can begin to sort through his thoughts like a normal person. But then Light’s phone rings. What it is ringing with is a text from a contact named ‘ _Horny Frog Man,’_ which is really all the warning you need to know that the progress is about to be undone.

The text reads, ‘ _Hey random question but what pronouns are you using right now?’_

And that was the only spark needed Light to yeet back down to angry town. The noise he makes is one you’d expect to hear in an illegal dog fighting ring, and the force with which he punches in _‘he/him’_ is enough that Misa’s impressed the screen didn’t crack.

“Everything okay there?” she asks, already knowing what the answer is going to be.

“No,” Light says, pushing his phone as if doing so will get the message and L further away from him. “This fucking asshole is so fucking respectful and I hate him. I hate him so much, like one second he’s insulting my world views and sitting like some gremlin out of a horror movie and waving his bare feet around and the next he acts like a decent human being and always asks my pronouns when talking to me and calls me _pretty_ and I just- I hate him. I hate him so much Misa, like oh my god I have literally never been this angry in my life.”

“How dare he be a decent human being,” Misa agrees, hiding her smile behind her hand.

“Exactly!” Light slams his hand down on the table, but gently, because even when going absolutely feral he remembers to be polite. “Like he isn’t even considerate enough to be a complete dick!”

He leans back in his chair, huffing, and Misa- well. She thinks the anger stage has gone on long enough.

It’s time to move to stage two.

> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Light is a man right now
> 
> And I am sad
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Hi sad, I’m matt
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> I’m breaking up with you
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Whatever you say, sweetheart.
> 
> Also I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen L look so despairing.
> 
> This crush is a big one huh
> 
> **Near**
> 
> Only L could manage to call someone pretty and make them think it was to rile them up
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Looks like he’s not the best in everything
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> …he really hates me, huh
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Oh no
> 
> Where’s mimi the emotional support duckling
> 
> She’s needed urgently
> 
> **Near**
> 
> This is why leaving the house is a bad idea

The thing about nudging someone in the direction they need to go to make that big realisation is that you have to be just subtle enough to allow them to reach the right conclusion themselves whilst also being obvious enough that it actually gets through the layers of obliviousness they’re buried in. It’s a delicate balance to tread, and one that is very easy to miss entirely, leading to an even bigger meltdown you have to pick up the pieces for.

Fortunately, Light is a genius when he’s not being an idiot, and Misa has known him for long enough to know exactly what to do.

So she asks, “So this feeling you have for L- it’s like loathing, isn’t it?” and she’s smiling, just a little, just a teensy bit, because even those who weren’t theatre kids know That Song and how it’s a national gay anthem.

“Yes, I loathe him,” he says, not catching on yet, too busy glaring at his phone like doing so will make L spontaneously appear and start a fist fight.

But then Misa sings “Loathing,” just those two notes, and he freezes.

It’s the kind of freezing someone does when they have just realised something very fundamental about their place in the world and are not entirely sure how to deal with it yet. It’s the freezing of a mind going from a hundred miles an hour to zero back to a hundred again, the kind of someone who has just realised that the frog is still a frog but it’s a frog that they may be a little in love with. It is the kind of freezing of someone who is experiencing the emotional whiplash that comes from toppling all the way down anger hill into a ravine.

It is the kind of thing that can most be accurately summarised as:

Oh.

_Oh._

_Oh no._

After two minutes of silence Light gets up and walks away again. Misa, because she is a good friend, waits until the doors have shut behind him to start laughing.

> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> :3c
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Well that’s a plot twist I wasn’t expecting
> 
> Looks like L isn’t in an unrequited love fanfic after all
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Don’t act so superior now, you trashfire jerk
> 
> We all know you were about to cry like four minutes ago.
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Shhhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> I’m experiencing an emotion called joy
> 
> I know you’ve only heard about it in fiction, but it’s a nice emotion and one that shouldn’t be spoiled by frowny people
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Ouch
> 
> If you’re going to try and kick L, please aim properly.
> 
> That really hurt.
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Then kick him for me
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Matt I’ll buy you any game you want if you kick Mello for me
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Any game?
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> If you want it, it's yours.
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> I accept your deal
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> Damnit Matt
> 
> I will break both of your legs
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> No you won’t, you need me to pay rent
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> You don’t need legs to pay rent
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> When will Light return from the war
> 
> I miss him
> 
> **Near**
> 
> He’s been five minutes
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Five minutes is a long time to go without seeing his face
> 
> **Near**
> 
> You can’t even see him
> 
> We got this room for a reason and that reason is that it has privacy
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> The best decision we ever made
> 
> I haven’t had this much entertainment since Matt got drunk from looking at a cup of cider
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> I swear to god the next time my period comes I will bleed on everything you love
> 
> **Near**
> 
> I thought you didn’t get periods anymore
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Oh shit yeah
> 
> Well then I have to come up with a new threat
> 
> **Trash Raccoon**
> 
> Children please, I’m having a moment here
> 
> **Near**
> 
> I think Watari would argue that you’re the child
> 
> You’re responsible for most of his grey hairs

When Light sat down with the kind of panic on his face you’d expect to find on someone who has an assignment due in twelve hours that they haven’t started yet, the first words he manages to string together are, “Oh no, Misa- am I the get out of school meme.”

Misa smiles at him very patiently which is all the confirmation he needs, and Light mimics an old fashioned tea kettle. “Oh no, Misa- Misa, I wanted to fight him because I thought he was pretty.”

“Yes you did, Light,” Misa says.

“Oh no, Misa, I am Having A Feeling.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I am Having A Feeling for the Horny Frog Man.”

“Yes, you are.”

> ****
> 
> **_Near_ ** _changed **Trash Raccoon’s** nickname to **Horny Frog Man**_
> 
> **Horny Frog Man**
> 
> Is this really necessary
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> It is and this is the only thing I will refer to you by for the rest of my life
> 
> **Matt**
> 
> Accept your brand
> 
> Also is he okay
> 
> Like his meltdown is very entertaining but like
> 
> He’s dealing with this worse than Near does stress after they’ve gone without sleep for a week
> 
> I feel like I’m watching through the five stages of grief but speedrun
> 
> **Near**
> 
> That’s just the patented L experience.
> 
> To feel affectionate emotions for trash is to suffer.
> 
> He knows how bad his taste in character is.
> 
> **Horny Frog Man**
> 
> I didn’t raise you this way
> 
> **Mello**
> 
> You didn’t raise us, Watari did
> 
> **Horny Frog Man**
> 
> :(

“I can’t believe I’m attracted to _that,_ ” Light says, head in his hands, Misa rubbing his arm like she’s trying to soothe a frightened animal. “Like of all people to be crushing on, it had to be the asshole from my seminars who has a higher blood sugar level than he does a wisdom stat _._ ”

“Love be weird,” Misa agreed.

“Do you think I can like- return this. Can I get a refund on being in love?”

“No, I don’t think you can.”

Light made another distressed noise. “I don’t like this Misa. Why did I have to fall in love with L? I thought I had better taste than that.”

“I mean, it could be worse,” she said, again not knocking on wood, “At least he doesn’t know about it.”

Light looked physically ill at the thought of that and Misa was beginning to wonder whether she needed to call in Rem, when things got worse. For, at that very moment, a man walked out of one of the group study rooms and towards them. This man was Matt, who had taken pity on Light far earlier than any of his compatriots would have because he actually was capable of compassion, and he smiled a little sheepishly at them, as was appropriate when approaching a stranger and their clearly upset friend.

“I hate to make things worse for you,” he said, “but I thought you should know that L has been in there all night and heard everything.”

He gestured at the room in question, Light’s face having gone five shades paler at the announcement. L poked his head out and waved with the kind of shit eating grin of someone who had just won a lot of cake and damn well knew it, which was fair but also dude, please. Have some mercy. Misa was considering the pros and cons of starting a fist fight as a distraction, and Light- well. Light had been having an emotional rollercoaster of a night and this was one thing too many.

So he does what anyone would do when they’ve been pushed to the brink and starts crying. It’s not pretty (crying rarely is, even on supermodels), and the result is that a lot of people do not really know what to do. Misa’s attempts to soothe him do very little, and Matt can only offer the solidarity of the panic emoji. None of the few irrelevant NPCs that remain in this part of the library do more than glance over at them because meltdowns are just a regular staple in uni life, and even if Misa did call in help it would take them fifteen minutes to get there. It’s starting to look like Light is going to need a longer walk this time- like, out of the country kind of long- when an unlikely hero comes sliding in.

L, in all his incredibly limited glory and lack of any right, wheels his chair over to beside Light (because what is the point of rolling chairs if not to nyoom?), and says, “If it helps, the Horny Frog Man has loved Light for a very long time and this past hour has not changed that fact, even if being called a Horny Frog Man was very mean.”

It was not what anyone would call a conventional reassurance, but nothing about this duo could be called conventional, and it does the job. Perhaps in a different story Light would have reacted with a smile or something more overtly delighted, perhaps even graced L with a kiss; perhaps, in a different story, this would have been where they make promises to ensure that the serial killer alter ego would not win, no matter what that meant.

Perhaps, in a different story, this would only be a brief moment of joy before the tragedy flexed harder than its ever flexed before.

But this is not a different story, and Light has had a very tiring night. Over the past hour alone he’s gone from a spitting rage to discovering he has a crush to misery to discovering that hey actually the crush is mutual, and these are a lot of emotions for one person to go through in such a short time. So he’s excused for glaring at L, even if the glare was weak enough it could barely qualify as such, and snapping, “The Horny Frog Man deserves it for eavesdropping.”

“Aww, but then how would I have learned how much Light liked me.”

“By talking to me, like normal people would,”

L clasped a hand to his chest, the perfect image of a scandalised victorian damsel calling for a fainting chair. “How could you insult me like this! I’m hurt.”

“What, by comparing you to normal people?”

L nodded, about as grave as can be. “I’m a genius. Nothing about me is normal.”

“You’re an asshole is what you are,”

“An asshole you’re in love with.”

“Unfortunately.” Light sighs, wiping at his face with a tissue from the pack L had pushed towards him. “I can’t believe my better judgement failed me now.”

“Oh, I think this is the best judgement Light has made.” And then, with his chin resting on one hand, “I’ll make you happy, Light.”

“You damn well better.”

Light’s eyes are bloodshot and tired, but he looks calmer now- content in a way that he hadn’t known he could be. He and L are looking at each other like two people who have seen the sun for the first time and know that it is looking back, like two people who love each other in every universe but especially this one, like two people who have been granted a wish they had scarcely dared breathe around.

They look like two people who have finally found the first step towards their Happy Ever After, and it makes Misa smile to look at.

And looking at the two of them, at the love in their eyes and the hope on their sleeves, Misa knows that everything’s going to be okay.

So she stands up, grabbing her phone and purse from the table, and leans over to give Light a hug. “You’ve had one hell of a time, so I’m going to grab you a snack and some coffee,” she says. It’s not a lie, not at all, but it’s also not the whole truth; the two of them should have some space, after all, and she had made a promise.

“Thanks,” Light said. And then, because he does know her, “Say hi to Rem for me.”

She laughs at that, the only response she needed to give, and walks away, a few seconds after Matt has sidled back over to where his partners were still sat. Misa already has Rem’s number up before she’s even out of the library, but she pauses before the exit to glance over her shoulder, back at Light.

What she sees is the two of them sitting close together, their heads lowered so that they can talk to each other quietly. They’re smiling, both of them, as warm as warm can be, and L has taken one of Light’s hands in both of his, tender and affectionate and so very soft.

What she sees is two people in love, and she doesn’t need to be able to see the future to know that it is the kind that lasts.

There’s a bounce in her step that very little could dampen as she leaves the library, the sound of her phone dialling the only company in her joy.

“Hey babe,” she says when Rem picks up, her smile wide enough that it can stretch no more, “so Light has a boyfriend now.”

(Two days later, after the couple has done all that good communication shit we stan so much and started to get their bearings, a post appears on the uni confessions page. It reads:

_To the hot mess who had a breakdown in the library on Friday over how much they hated someone only to realise that they were, in fact, ragingly homosexual: I hope you’re doing okay._

In the comments, Yagami Light has been tagged twenty times).

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is [@polyhymina.](http://polyhymina.tumblr.com/)
> 
> My twitter is[@littlemisswrit3.](https://twitter.com/littlemisswrit3)


End file.
